Fat Pants

Welp, it’s about that time again. I wrote about this in the old blog and I’m going to write about it again because it is still a big struggle that I have.

You know, when you grow up being bigger than everyone else you kind of figure that is just who you are. You will always be the kid who has to sit out because running around makes you incredible tired.  You adapt and play those sports with little to no running (softball/volleyball) not that they don’t take real athleticism, but you can get away being slow on the softball field if you can hit it really far.

Basically, you get used to being heavy. You get used to hating your body. You get used to crying at the mall every time you try on a pair of pants. Well… atleast I did.

So again, you adapt. You buy the bigger size, you don’t go to that thing where everyone else was going to get all dressed up and go with a date. If you choose to not, you won’t get hurt. Gosh, I missed out on a lot of things because of my poor self-image.

Here is the reason I write this, I think I might have to go down a size in pants. For most people, this is the most exciting thing ever. For me, this is awful. I am so scared to try on that smaller pair of pants. What if they don’t fit? What if I have to come to terms that I am still really heavy? What if it makes me go off the deep end and eat an entire box of cookies?

Yes, I know. It sounds crazy. But I’m dead serious. I am terrified. I currently wear a size 18 in jeans. They are too baggy on me, they don’t stay on my waist without a belt. But what if a size 16 is too small? Do I really want to feel awful about myself? Or do I just wait until I literally can’t wear those pants?

I don’t want to miss out on an awesome opportunity but I also don’t want to get hurt.

Help.