why this feels different than the last time

So I've been trying to figure out why this go-round feels different than 40 in '14. Why do I feel like this time is easier? Or that it will be more sustainable this time around?

I think about my motives the last time. I think about how my motto was to be spiritually, physically, and mentally healthy. And I think about how that still remains true to this day. So why does it feel different?

40 in '14 never really came to a close. I never ended that chapter or wrapped it in a pretty bow or gave myself closure or wrote my postlude. I think back on that year and a lot of what I remember makes me cringe. I made some huge mistakes, I said somethings I shouldn't have, and I lost one of my best friends. It was not an easy year. And it wasn't until I was so caught up in my selfishness and couldn't see my way out of it that I was given the gift of a healthy relationship.

So I don't know that 40 in '14 ever really ended or if it just took a plot twist. But there is still something so different about this time around. And I think I may have figured it out.

I mean it seems obvious and may be kind of stupid saying it/making a whole blog post about it. But here it is: I am not in this alone. Every day, throughout the day, I get to talk to someone about what we had for lunch or what we're making for dinner. I get to plan meals throughout the week with someone. I get to cook and try new things with someone. I get to start my life, my true and healthy life, with someone I care about so much. I go to the gym with someone who loves to see me gross and sweaty because it means I worked hard. I'm not trying to impress her (even though I think she checks out my butt when I do squats...)

Bec and I are working so hard. We are trying new things. We are making some amazing meals as well as some not so amazing meals. We are going to the gym and making sure we do at least 20 minutes of constant movement.

This feels different because it is different. I am not alone in this and every day I am thankful for that.

It may not be the most dramatic plot twist ever seen, but it is certainly a memorable one for me.